Sorry About The Mess.

I find myself uttering this phrase as almost the first thing said whenever someone comes to the house.

Most recently it was a friend who had come over to drop some rubbish off – me doing a favor for him. We stood in the drive and suddenly all I could see were the weeds popping through the gravel that needed pulling, the untrimmed border trees, the deck that needed sweeping and outside furniture in need of a damn good wash.

And this is just what I could see in the immediate vicinity, never mind the out the back or inside the house. I could add to that little list: the lawns were in dire need of a mow (though not according to Bear the cat who could hide almost completely in its length), edges needed edging, gardens weeding, carpets vacuuming, cobwebs sorting and the pantry needed a total clear out and maybe even water blasting.

Our house wasn’t ‘ready’ for visitors. Hence the apology, to a friend, that I’m doing a favour for, who most likely doesn’t give a toss about some weeds on the drive.

Why Do We Care So Much About What Other People Think?

I don’t buy magazines and we don’t watch television so are protected somewhat from the commercial onslaught of how our lives and homes ‘should’ look. But that’s not always been the way, so the seeds were sown long ago. Also, I have friends and acquaintances with immaculate homes, seemingly 100% of the time, which I’m sometimes pretty envious of. To live in a home where everything is clean and tidy and always well maintained must be bliss.

Well, maybe it is, and, I admit, not having a tidy home and grounds can be a bit stressful as visual mess eventually irritates me. And that in itself is a catch 22 as it’s often my mess (dammit!).

And, I actually, really enjoy working around the house; gardening, mowing lawns, trimming trees, and all those good things. I even get satisfaction from cleaning, tidying and keeping a (quite) well-ordered inside as well. I love the feeling of sitting back in a clean and comfy lounge, having a wine on the clear deck looking out to tidy gardens and neat lawns, of working in a well-ordered kitchen.

Life Happens

But, here’s the rub. The morning my friend arrived and I uttered the stock phrase ‘sorry about the mess’, we’d already gotten up early and had a coffee on the front step, I’d then done about an hours’ worth of carrot seedling transplanting (I’m not into throwing out the ones I’ve thinned) while Adrian trained on the bike, and we were both now getting ready to head off in the car in order for me to take part in a four-person time-trial event a few k’s up the road. We weren’t in a rush but were definitely ‘on a mission’.

The rest of the weekend went like this: while I went through pain and suffering in my time trial (that’s the thing about time trialing: it’s only fun after the event) Adrian was having an informal meet with our cycling club captain to talk planning and direction (Adrian is the president). Once that was all done-and-dusted (and a coffee drunk with the others in the event) we came home to unpack, then repack, the car. We were driving an hour and a half to my sisters for the night to get an early start to the mountain to ski the next day.

Sunday we were up at 5.30AM to get on the road and we (there were three of us as my younger daughter came as well) had an absolute blast on the slopes of Turoa. After a full day’s skiing we got back home about 9.30PM, in time to unpack, give lots of cuddles to Bear, and get ready for work the next morning.

I’m not saying we’re this busy every weekend, but we sure are for a fair few of them. Not often expensive stuff as skiing can be, but we train, we ride, we race or follow races, we go tramping or walking and even go to dance classes (we’re giving Ceroc a go), as well as the usual things like accompanying kids to dance comps, visiting parents, sports and kid events.

The Choices We Make

I don’t think the choices are black and white. It’s not: do we, A) do fun things that fulfill us, or B) keep our property and house looking spic’n’span in case visitors arrive unexpectedly?

For me it’s about being realistic and owning my choices (and making peace with that). If we haven’t got to all the chores, fixes, maintenance, cooking, baking and gardening that needs doing, but adventures and events beckon, that’s a no brainer, fun trumps. On the other hand, if we have a free weekend (or a day, an afternoon, or an hour), we will try and use it to get ahead on those jobs that never seem to end. And if we don’t get it all done?  Pffft! 

And, to be fair, those days or hours can be nearly as much fun as ‘away days’. I get huge satisfaction from loads of things that are home-based. Recently I’ve moved loads of carrot seedlings to their new home (in the Hugelkultur garden) to grow instead of chucking them in the compost, and they’re surviving and thriving. I often trial new and innovative bread recipe’s and most, if I do say so myself, are just fantastic. I’ve recently cleaned out the pantry, (and threw out some things, upping my tally of a thousand things gone) to make room for the beautiful new, bright red mixer I got from the girls and Adrian for my birthday. Weeding a garden bed to plant out, I found a forest of self-seeded heritage tomatoes already growing strong. Now, of course, I have to find somewhere to put the other tomato seedlings I’ve been carefully tending in seed trays.

I love the look and sound of washing on the line, especially in a little wind. Is that a little odd? Cleaning bikes makes me happy (getting the gunk out of cogs, oiling a clean chain; what more could a girl want?), mowing lawns is one of my favourite things, and taking green-waste to the dump is totally cathartic.

Mothers Little Helper

Nope, I’m not advocating drugs (if you’re too young to get the reference, click HERE). And the heading is misleading as our house, and life, is definitely a team event. Along with all the good things, we can both be untidy; we’re what you might call equal opportunity messer uppers. So we use a bit of help where we can, though not in the form of other people doing our chores (however more kids help wouldn’t go amiss).

We use whatever we can to give us a hand and save time and stress.

We’ve found that getting the meals planned and prepared can save a lot of time and angst (the angst part is mostly from kids inexplicably wanting to be fed) so we’ve hooked into a site (Cooksmarts:  https://www.cooksmarts.com) that gives meal plans as well as prep to be done for everything, usually days ahead, and even grocery lists. When we spend a couple of hours companionably in the kitchen preparing for the following week the result is a wondrous thing, with the benefits obvious in time, good meals and less mess nearly the entire week.

What else is helping?

The Hugelkultur garden is up and running, and is so easy to maintain, plant into and weed, that it’s a total pleasure.

We were struggling with the lawns with a mower that was sub-par but bit the bullet and called in the experts. A week later and we have a dream machine, humming through the lawns like they’re not even there.

I’m making progress on our thousand things (Adrian? maybe not so much) and I reckon that the results are going to be felt in the clutter levels as well as the knowledge that we have really looked at what we need to keep.

Are We Still Sorry?

Well, I may still say the words occasionally but I’m going to try damn hard not to. Adrian’s idea is to modify the sentence to drop the sorry altogether: “The house is a bit of a mess, but you know, we’ve been too busy doing other stuff”. It’s pretty good I reckon. Yes, we know things could be nicer, tidier, less cluttered, but they’re not right now and we’re having heaps of fun.

We’re getting on with what life throws at us (and what we manage to throw back).

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